Hija

Es irónico que una madre no pueda soportar los pensamientos más oscuros de una hija.

Es irónico que una madre no pueda soportar los pensamientos de una hija.

Es irónico que una madre no pueda soportar a una hija

¿Puede una madre así ser madre?

¿Puede una madre ser madre?

¿Qué necesita una madre para convertirse en tal?

Fuerza, valentía, pudor, cordura, sostén...

Sostén mi cuerpo

Sostén mi alma

Sostén mi mente

Sostén mi ser

¿Cómo se llama eso que necesita una madre para ser tal?

Coraje, compasión, sensación, emoción...

Emoción al sentir la sazón de una hija

Emoción al sentir una hija

Emoción al sentir la sazón

Sazonar a una hija

Razonar a una hija

Sazonarla

Razonarla

Sazonar

Razonar

Sazón

Razón

Sin razón

¿Cuándo se convierte una madre en madre?

Una madre no puede ser madre si no realiza ciertas acciones

Canciones, pasiones, mansiones, estaciones

Estaciones de las canciones vitales.

Preguntas

¿De qué manera escriben los escritores que esperan ser leídos?

¿De qué manera florecen las plantas que esperan florecer?

¿De qué manera sienten los niños que esperan ser percibidos?

Simplemente lo hacen.

¿Cómo surge un poema?

¿Cómo surge una canción?

¿Cómo surge un amor?

Simplemente surgen.

¿Cuándo nace algo nuevo, de qué manera lo hace?

¿Simplemente aparece? Momentáneo, espontáneo, simultáneo.

¿Simultáneo como el ritmo de dos corazones?

¿Simultáneo como el circo de dos corazones?

¿Simultáneo como el ciclo de dos corazones?

Simultáneo como dos corazones

Dos corazones que surgen, crecen, envuelven. Mueren.

In You

Don't know what happened

Let me know

Don't see what tightened

Let me see

Don't smell what lightened

Let me smell

Don't think what parted

Let me think

Don't believe what drowned

Let me believe

In you.

They Say

Keep writing, they say

Keep smiling, they say

Keep laughing, they say

Keep trying, they say

Keep staying, they say

Keep standing, they say

They say things

They say sins

They sin for a living

They blame for a living

They stay for a living

They kill for a living

They won't leave me alone.

Desire

I desire

Your smile

Your laugh

Your breath

Your tongue

I crave

Kissing you

Licking you

Biting you

Eating you

I'll drown in you.

Black Hole

I glimpse in the back of my mind and there's a black hole.

A black hole eating whatever it finds.

A black hole drowning on itself.

A black hole breeding, feeding, teasing.

Teasing me to drown on him.

Teasing me to live with him.

Teasing me to sleep with him

Forever.

Cicatrices

Las cicatrices de un niño ignorado no se borran con agua y jabón. 

Tampoco se borran con lejía ni con tiempo.

Permanecen en el inconsciente hasta que ese individuo es incapaz de tolerar los gritos de cuando era un infante.

Permanecen y se procrean como cucarachas alimentándose de cuerpos podridos.

Permanecen hasta que la cantidad de cucarachas exceda el espacio en el que habitan.

Cuando eso sucede es cuando hay que protegerse de ese inocente monstruo y ponerlo a dormir.

Para siempre.

Words

Words like worlds

Words in worlds

Words of worlds

Words as wordls

Love like words

Love in words

Love of words

Love as words

Worlds like love

Worlds in love

Worlds of love

Worlds as love

Worlds like love for words.

Lust

Life is short

Pain is wrong

Love is hot

Death is long

Hate is not

Paint the past

Faint at last

Make it last

Live the lust

Bring that back

Bring my luck

Breathe my luck

Lick my luck

Brick my back

Faint not, my lust.

Writers

Write right, rite

Rite, right write

Write right: rite

Light tight, might

Might light tight

Light: might tight

A kite might write tight words of light.

Thirst

Thirsty

For bloods

Thirsty

For floods

Thirsty

For muds

Hungry

For lives

Hungry

For mice

Hungry

For knives

Sick 

Of lies

Sick 

Of mice

Sick

Of dice.

Kill

I could jump

And kill him

I could cry

And kill him

I could laugh

And kill him

I could cramp 

And kill him

I could stomp

And kil him

I could mute, and kill him.

Sappy

Being happy

Gibberish

Being fragile

Fairish

Being sappy

Perish

Foolish ghoulish mind.

  

Hoot

Your laugh

Tickles my heart

You're tough,

Tickles my hat

You're moot,

Burns my soul

Your suit

Burns my whole

You're sad

Make me laugh

You're mad

Make me tough

You're my hoot.

Pills

First day of pills
First day of meals
First day of kills

Kills, his dad
Kills, he's mad
Kills, he's sad

First day of sins
First day of pins
First day of means

Means: it's sad
Means: it's mad
Means: it's glad

Glad of killing
Glad of sinning
Glad of meaning

Meaningless murder.

Always

Depression, comes and goes

Like the seas, comes and goes

Like the leaves, comes and goes

Like the winds, comes and goes

Depression stays, always

Depression pains, always

Depression stains, always

Stains like veins

Stains like pains

Stains like rains

Depression lives

Depression sins

Depression means

Means to stay.

Lizzie y Louis I

    Un pensamiento caminando en mi cabeza. Eso es todo lo que me lleva para decidirme. Primero, debo ver el contexto donde fue dicho. Luego, el pensamiento visita diversos lugares hasta que un edificio particular atrapa su atención. Aferrándose a esa estructura. Evaluando la idea de visitarlo y recordar su presencia o desechar la idea y continuar con otro tema, otro lugar. Así es como conocí a Louis.

    Ese día, el viento se sentía más frío. Mis ojos recorrieron el jardín repleto de rosas rojas, las hojas que dejaron de ser verdes y los árboles que dejaron de tener hojas. La escena perfecta para una muerte perfecta, escribí en mi diario "pensamientos de Lizzie"; mis ojos, como los de un niño, parecían impacientes por ahogarse dentro del alma de Louis. Él estaba parado contra un árbol, con una media sonrisa mirando el pasto, una mano atrás de su espalda.

Cat

Cat, cat, cat

Catch my kite 

Catch my quite

Catch my night

Cat, cat, cat

Catch my patch

Catch my latch

Catch my touch

Cat, cat, cat

Catch it like you like

Catch it like you

Catch it like you might

Catch it like you care

Catch it kind.

Mimicry

Mimicry: what one does, unconsciously, when in love, to let the other one know his or her intentions. When one does not mimic the other one, in the length of writing (when talking through a chat box of any kind, for example), his or her brain notices an imbalance, as if something weren't working well.

This is why, one must do it consciously, at times. Otherwise, the end of that nourishing relationship becomes inevitable.

Abusivo

Fue abusada.

Fue joven cuando todo pasó. Una nena. Una infante. Una joven sin pensamientos propios.

Una joven que, a pesar de ser pre-adolescente, pre-pensante, sabía muy bien sobre los posibles métodos para suicidarse. Las posibles maneras de hacerlo. Los métodos iban en el siguiente orden: ahogamiento, envenenamiento (grandes dosis de un elemento químico que sea casi imperceptible al olfato de una infanta), caída accidental del auto de sus padres y cortes profundos. Nunca pudo concretar esas ideas. Quedaron ideas, aún hasta los 30 años. Nunca supo cómo pudo seguir viva todos esos años.

Nunca supo cómo pudo lograr tener sexo con cinco hombres diferentes. Todos en diferentes años, separados por un doloroso mes de duelo: como si hubiese muerto un familiar amado. 

Nunca pudo amar demasiado, pudo expresar esos sentimientos por causa de su falta de amor. Nunca entendió cómo funcionan las personas: a veces, diciendo frases que suenan honestas; a veces, dando abrazos que parecen llenarte el alma de agua. Como una inundación.

Inundación. Esa es la palabra que describe mejor sus emociones constantes. Siempre siente que está en un pozo excesivamente profundo donde la gente que pasa por su lado, se dedica a arrojar un balde de agua (algunos son más prudentes y arrojan más de uno: una persona le arrojó más de veinte seguidos). Nunca logró entender cómo es que su esencia soporta esas situaciones, cómo es que algunos mueren ante tanta abusiva cantidad de agua.

Creo que lo que ella nunca pudo entender, lo logrará comprender cuando cumpla cierta edad: al ser una adolescente, consideraba que los 28 era la edad perfecta; ahora, postergó esa edad a los 40, como si fuera una meta imposible de alcanzar.

* * *

El asunto de todo esto es que fue abusada, siendo una infante sin pensamientos propios. Una etapa (según expertos) en la cual una persona más necesita de un entorno estable, para poder llegar a ser un adulto equilibrado, dueño de sus pensamientos, emociones y acciones. Este no es el caso.

No es el caso porque, para que lo sea, el abuso no debió existir. Ni el abuso físico ni psicológico.

Todos

Todos pasan por algo:

Todos maman

Todos marchan

Todos matan

Todos callan por algo:

Todos llaman

Todos lloran

Todos llagan

Todos matan por algo:

Amor

Calor

Sudor

Lo externo nos extingue.

Lizzie and Louis I

    A thought walking in my head. That's all it takes for me to make my mind. First I have to see the context where it was said. Later on, it visits different places until one particular building catches its attention. Clinging to that structure. Pending on the idea of visiting it and remembering its presence or disregarding it and continuing to another topic, another place. This is how I met Louis. 

    That day, the wind felt colder. My eyes surveyed the garden full of red roses, the greenless leaves and the leafless trees. A perfect scene for a perfect death, I wrote on my "Lizzie's thoughts" diary; my eyes, like a child's, seemed to be impatient to drown inside Louis' soul. He was standing against a tree, half-smiling at the grass, a hand behind his back. 

 

Weird

    Sintoamor exists only in parallel universe 3113, only those love-made citizens, of other universes, are able to travel themselves (through their imagination) to this me-world place, for it is a land of happiness. Why is it a me-world? Because you can be and become anyone you long to be: from a bear-looking worm to elephant-sized snakes that eat nothing but ants or, why not, a human (the one you are at this moment). You can be anything, with one simple request: you must not bring with you, those polluted thoughts; it doesn't matter which world you belong to or what your character is.
    According to our own popular legend, there was once a human being that was the first one in discovering this world. It is said, that this was a wild place, full of unbelievably dangerous creatures. One of them, was a snake-looking eagle that had neurotoxic venom; this was with whom Louis had to struggle in order to be able of conquering our present land. This gigantic thing was capable of slaughtering a million citizens, within the blink-of-an-eye, by either biting or scratching you.

 

Vipers

    Better think him dead was Elizabeth's first thought a Sunday morning while she was reading the online version of The New York Times and drinking coffee with a muffin. Louis was watching TV, with a cup of tea by his side; his beverage getting colder and colder as time walked from one side to another of the living room, as if wanting to get him up of the coach to continue on with his daily routine: washing his face, pooping, talking to his wife and going to the Herpetology Office to make some progress on the identification of a new sort of viper. 

After Noons

"Never leave me" Jane said to Dick, one Friday afternoon before going to his friend's party.
"I'll never leave you" he replied.
Those were the first words they exchanged, not knowing that promises with soulmates never last.

Jeanette

Without realising his actions, Giuseppe, grabbed his chopper and killed Jeanette with a single movement. 

 Giuseppe and Jeanette were a married couple that lived in the countryside of Bahia, Brazil. She was caucasian with Spanish origins; he was black, born in Brazil. They seemed to be meant for each other; she was always there, holding him when he was upset (like when ten of his brothers died from coffee intoxication, in a month, and she had to burry them). The help she could provide him was enough to feel complete.

    One morning, he served the coffee and, the bubbles, appeared on the left side of the cup leaving the darkness of the coffee on the opposite side (this never happened to her, for she hated this imperfection and he knew it). Adding to this gruesome situation, there were some coffee grains and sugar scattered over the tea table. Jeanette, bewildered at this, had the inkling that Giuseppe had committed to irk her.

    After pondering on the situation, she got up, grabbed her cup, threw its content (together with the grains and the coffee) in the sink and replaced it with milk. Giuseppe, studying her movements from the tea table, demanded an explanation for her behaviour, to which she neglected an answer. Seeing this, he got up, took hold of his chopper and, without realizing his actions: killed her.

    Hours later, he realized that, due to her perfectionist manner, she was unable to cope with the small defects that life had, thus making her act the way she did. 

    From that day on, every time he had breakfast, he used the white cup and filled it with hot milk so as to remember her last action.

Garden-path mind

Dawn the road, cease the mind

Cease it, cease the pain

Dawn it, down it, damn it

Fish the net

Fish the pet

Fish the tent

Fish it

Seek the randomness inside your head, like grabbing a spider by her hand, as if she were a kissing cat that eats your lips when kissed. Damp, dump, damned.

Damned. Damned the life which was given to me, by me: someone who doesn't know which path to take, full of chaos. Panic.

Panic of not knowing why things happen the way they do. Why people act the way they do.

"The human mind", she says, "is like a hole that can brighten or darken your times when you least expect it. Her. The mind is a she a mind that doesn't exist. Like her.

Like her, please do, otherwise she'll have suicidal thoughts or murderous thoughts. She might kill anyone, just by thinking or feeling that need. Just by wishing it.

She also desired green eyes. Do not doubt her desires. Eat her and you'll be the eaten, the kitten (ha ha ha, seriously funny joke, after speaking of murders and death).

This is it, for now. It'll be continued shortly enough to split your head.